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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26350531">A Little Too Much</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfinderings/pseuds/wayfinderings'>wayfinderings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Stream of Consciousness, khux is really gonna get me one of these days, lots of emotions from the new update, ven blames himself even though he's innocent</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:41:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,035</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26350531</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfinderings/pseuds/wayfinderings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Material darkness...Ven thought it would’ve been cold and slimy, something grotesque and unpleasant and so utterly repulsive as he had always been taught. Everything he knew, or what he had thought he knew, about darkness painted it as this undesirable force of evil that pulled people down and under against their will, tainting their hearts and their wills so suddenly it was impossible to fight off.</p>
<p>Though now, Ven was starting to think differently. He had seen differently. He knew differently now.</p>
<p>He was terrible, wasn’t he?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Little Too Much</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This started as a big 'ol stream of consciousness and eventually I found myself sitting on 1K so I thought I'd share it. Enjoy some good, old fashioned Ven angst in light of the newest KHUX update.</p>
<p>Obviously, spoilers for the latest KHUX update (specifically cutscenes from quest 960).</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was dark all around. Ven couldn’t see anything, but he could feel soft, warm wisps of the stuff trying to wrap itself around his wrists and ankles, from which he quickly pulled himself away. It felt like time would stop for a moment, leaving Ven floating alone in the void he found himself in, before things would start all over like a strange game of cat and mouse.</p>
<p>Or, that’s what he wished had happened.</p>
<p>Material darkness...Ven thought it would’ve been cold and slimy, something grotesque and unpleasant and so utterly repulsive as he had always been taught. Everything he knew, or what he had <em>thought</em> he knew, about darkness painted it as this undesirable force of evil that pulled people down and under against their will, tainting their hearts and their wills so suddenly it was impossible to fight off.</p>
<p>Though now, Ven was starting to think differently. He had <em>seen</em> differently. <em>He knew differently now</em>.</p>
<p>Streams of tears were running down his face, heavy and hot and non-stop because he had played a part in something terrible. He hadn’t even <em>realized</em>. He had thought something <em>entirely different</em> had happened that day he had supposedly met with Master Ava, and he felt terrible.</p>
<p>Because he was terrible, wasn’t he?</p>
<p>He hadn’t even realized something was wrong at all. Not when he had been told to meet Master Ava at such a mysterious and suspicious location. Not when nobody had been there. Not when everything had all-of-a-sudden descended into nothingness before being replaced with something else just as quickly without him even blinking an eye. Never once did the thought cross his mind that something was oh so horribly wrong.</p>
<p>Because the Darkness had pushed all the right buttons, and the voices in his head had said all the right things, and together they painted the perfect picture of what Ven had always wanted. Meeting with Master Ava, the idea of becoming a Union Leader, it had brought him more happiness than he could ever remember. He would be wanted, he would be useful, he would have <em>friends</em> for the first time in his life.</p>
<p>How could he have said no?</p>
<p>And that just made it all worse, didn’t it. He could have fought back, he could have stopped what had happened, but he was just so desperate for attention and affection that someone else -- someone Lauriam had been searching for non-stop for weeks upon weeks now -- had <em>died</em> because of it.</p>
<p>Ven was supposed to have gotten caught up in the war. He was supposed to be the one who had died. <em>He wasn’t supposed to be here……..</em></p>
<p>...and yet here he was and she wasn’t.</p>
<p>He had helped take everything from her in a split second, and hadn’t even moved to try and stop it. He was mad at himself for letting himself be taken advantage of, for letting himself be puppeted around, for doing something he would never have even <em>imagined</em> doing to another person -- keyblade wielder or otherwise -- before today. It made him feel sick. He made <em>himself</em> feel sick.</p>
<p>He wanted to scream. He wanted to yell. He wanted to do something other than sit in his bed crying like a helpless child, but he was too scared of attracting the attention of Ephemer, Skuld, Brain, and Lauriam -- oh, Lauriam was the very <em>last</em> person Ven wanted to see at the moment -- so he just sat there, tears dripping onto the comforter he was still tucked so neatly under and sniffling like a toddler. He was almost scared to move at all, terrified that a single misstep could send everything else tumbling down on top of him suffocating him under tons and tons of guilt and anguish.</p>
<p>Ven wanted to believe that if he told the truth to the others that they wouldn’t hate him, that they wouldn’t think he was a monster, and would still want to be his friend. But the other, much louder, voice in his head was screaming that they had every right to hate him. He was a monster, he was an imposter, he was a glitch in the system, and deserved to be thrown out or worse.</p>
<p>“Maybe…I should just ask them to put an end to me..” He barely managed to get the words out, hardly a whisper on the wind as he almost choked on the syllables. That was the logical solution, right, for him to meet the same fate as Lauriam’s sister?</p>
<p>It dawned on Ven that he didn’t even remember her name, and the stream of tears kept on flowing. Somehow every new revelation just made everything worse and worse, and weighed down on his already heavy heart more and more. How much more would he be able to take until it cracked and shattered under the pressure?</p>
<p>He pulled his knees up to his chest, still seeking whatever nonexistent comfort he could in the fabric of the sheets. Maybe if he kept making himself smaller, he would eventually disappear. Then he wouldn’t be a bother to Ephemer and Brain when he didn’t understand things from the Union Leaders’ Rulebook he wasn’t even supposed to have. He wouldn’t have to bother Skuld when she took the time to keep him company when he wasn’t even supposed to be there. He wouldn’t have to bother Lauriam with a devastating confession, that <em>he</em> was the reason his sister had been missing for so long, and that no amount of apologizing or guilt would ever be able to change that fact.</p>
<p>Ven coughed weakly as he buried his head in his sheets. His chest felt so tight, his face burned, and it felt like he could hardly breathe. Then the floodgates opened, and he started sobbing. As much as he knew that someone was bound to hear him, he couldn’t stop. It was too much.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry…” He repeated the words over and over, like a lifeline, a mantra. As if apologizing to a ghost could do anything to change what had actually happened, or to atone for those actions.</p>
<p>‘<em>I’m sorry</em>’ would never be enough.</p>
<p>Nothing he could do would ever be enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For more Ven related ramblings, check out my twitter (@wayfinderings).</p></blockquote></div></div>
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